Wage Slave/Career Slave/Hope Slave

So how does one get the inspiration to wake up everyday to head off to work and to start yet another day? And on the same token, to begin one new year after another? And also to go from one city to another and back and again another keeping the novelty and excitement alive? I don’t know, and maybe that’s why I am still going. And strangely enough, I am not at all jaded yet, but undoubtedly a weary at times, and maybe more so lately.

Work is hardly rosy at the moment, but I s’pose that’s just the way things are usually after a long break. Is it just my attitude or that I have been living in wanderous oblivion for a while now? The inexplicable (no doubt unpleasant) feeling I have towards work since my return from Chicago is still lingering somewhat. There are a couple of new projects and plans ahead, but I must say I am hardly fascinated at all. However, I don’t wish to cruise along either. I hope this feeling will pass, I hope it will, I know it will.

I seem to be closing doors for myself for a while now. I have been thinking of getting in touch with some characters from the past to add a little colour to my social life but I can hardly find the motivation to. I reckon laziness has a part in this too, not just the fear of stepping into pits yet again. So maybe I am indeed cruising along.

I could have taken up the new projects with much enthusiasm and with an opened mind. I could have taken a trip up to Canberra that could open up a whole new chapter for me. But I didn’t. I didn’t give an answer and I don’t intend to for now. If only inspiration could be mutual.

It could have been so easy, be it with work or with people. I am hopelessly hopeful at heart, but I do keep reality in check. Canberra will have to wait, I just have to take care of one thing at a time.

What Time Should I Wake Up?

So I have been back home for more than ten days now. I haven’t been writing all this while, partly because I don’t want to sum anything up prematurely, but mostly because I don’t want to let my thoughts wander too much. I haven’t exactly had a bad year, but it was no doubt a tiring one. I needed a break, and now that I am having one, I should at least stay true to its nature.

I do not hold any resolution or big plans for the new year, I will continue to work on what I have been working on these past few months. I do not even feel like a new year has arrived, it just feels like one continuous period where I am trying to do good and to be in control of my general well-being. To put is simply, it is like one long project, and it is totally independent of time and date. It is all about me reaching where I eventually want to be, so the arrival of another year does not faze me at all.

The company has been good far, so has been food, all I need is to get used to the fussing by my parents again. It is all a bit exhausting I must say, pleasing everyone by cutting myself up into little pieces to be shared around. From one main group of friends I ended up with two due to some crazy politics and misunderstanding, and there are still other friends from here and there. The activities and meetings are endless, and today is my first day that I get some me-time. I had a swim and did a DVD, but maybe it was a wrong choice because it was dark and somber as anything. It is a very good one though, In The Bedroom.

I reckon the one thing worth mentioning is that I actually went for a date on Sunday, yes, the first day of this new year. The person is decent, and I must say we had a great time, even though we only knew each other for twenty-fours prior to that. I s’pose I was the unexcited party. I only have three more weeks here, and even if I disregard that, I still can’t deny the fact that I have no intention to start anything with anyone in the near future. I’ll just take it as a new friend, a friend who can talk movies and music with. It sounds kinda sad but that’s just the way it is. On my way to meeting up with the person, I was actually listening to The Calling. Enough said.

I don’t want to seem like I am going through the motion. I know I should be appreciative of the attention given to me so far. I don’t know if I prefer to be here or to go back to Melbourne. I am glad that I don’t have to be at work, but I have realised I am not at my best when I am not working. This is a new realization, it definitely is. I never thought I will feel this way. Maybe it is all about having a sense of belonging and responsibility, something for me to be occupied with, something to hold me in my place basically. I know it does not necessarily have to be my job, it could as well be a person too. But of course, one has to settle for the other when the preferred option is not readily available.