Just The Way It Is

So I feel at ease again. I did not sell out. I let it go once again. All it took was the time of one beer to say what I have to say to protect myself and my insanity. If liking someone means losing myself, I choose to walk way then. It's never easy, but it's only right, at least I feel it is.

Work has been pretty flat at the moment, nothing exciting or dramatic to talk about. I'm just dealing with daily work, but there are always period like this. I can't be asking for more.

Cindy went home for good today, and she has been going through this whole sadness about going home. Again, it's never an easy thing to do, speaking from personal experiences. However, I always believe that when you have run out of reasons to stay in one place, then it's really time to move on. The same goes for being with someone too. Going home is not something I can contemplate at the moment, although I must admit sometimes I do harbour the fantasy that I am the one going home instead. I still like this city, and am pretty much at ease with my life here, but after being out here for a while, there is really no more fireworks to talk about anymore. I could always wish for 150 other things to be different so that my life is happier but what does it all mean in the end really? It's all relative so I should stop whinging already.

So it does take one person to flush another out of my system. I am being re-assured of that yet again on Tues night. So maybe I am a tart after all. I almost don't mind it anymore, but having said that, I still hope I can reach the end of the line soon enough.

What Does It Take?

So it takes one person to forget another and then to have the forgotten to come back only to help me forget about the last. And so it takes yet another random passer-by in my life to make me realise who I have really missed and to allow me to make some decisions about my life. And of course, it takes my work life to finally somewhat fall into place only to have my private life fallen out of place again. Time spent with a person and words shared and then time lost and words lost and a bit of hopefulness gone too. So where does it all take me really?

And so it takes the same book and the same films to bring on the same emotions and sense of familiarity to overshadow mine and maybe even to heal some. And no matter what happens, it still takes the same old friends to have the truth told to my face and to keep my sanity in check and to make me feel it's alright again, almost.

So the story goes on and as one would say peace will never be found by avoiding life. I chose it as such but I did not choose this sentimental self but yet again I do know I have a choice not to let it rule over me entirely. And so it takes me to destroy something only to feel that I might have single-handedly done it unjustifiably and then maybe even to regret it only to realise what is the point of regretting when I felt I don't have a choice back there at all. It has gone one full circle yet again to test my ability as to how much I can bear.

And as Shan would say, most times, most things, are all pretty pointless really. I could not agree more.