Almost Doesn't Count

So are you a cover page, page 1 or a page 2 person? If the cover does not appeal to you, would you be inspired to turn the pages in the hope that you might be convinced? To be completely impartial and unaffected by mere physical appearance? In real life, this could be translated to first impression, first date and second date. If the person does not bowl you over at first sight and to make you go all weak in the knees and ramble on like an idiot, but a nice and decent person no doubt, would you give it another chance and even go as far as to organise a second meeting?

So I am a page 1 person, a cover page person even. In my preach of how depressingly fluffy and shallow the world can be sometimes, maybe I am being a total hypocrite here. Maybe I should do something about it, maybe I should convince myself to go beyond just mere looks, but somehow I just can't help it. It may even be an absolute cop-out, I am just not trying at all actually. In the midst of my crazy pursue of aesthetics and all things pretty, am I unknowingly sabotaging my own chances at finding The One? The fact that I discard a book even before I move on to the next few pages may indeed have done more harm than good. What happened to that big spiel on inner beauty vs outer beauty? What happened to looks don't last but a good personality does? Maybe you have a better clue than I do?

Do you believe in love at first sight? The age-old question that has inspired many a prose and discussion topics. Or are you confused with lust at first sight? So physically attracted to a person that your heart just won't let you be right, even if you know going ahead and falling for the person is simply wrong. If you do believe in love at first sight, then you will never stop looking. That, we have heard many times before. Going by the ambiguity of that statement, can I interpret that we will be insatiable if we do and that our hearts will never be sure? And to go on further, does that mean anyone who is a firm believer of falling in love at first sight (I'm certainly on the dark side) is a potential betrayer at any moment? Also, in the midst of being a junkie of this notion, will we be missing out on the 'real deal'? It is, no doubt, a hopelessly and elusively beautiful translation of our inexplicable emotions for people and things that we love. Should we continue to hold it close to us? Or should we be convinced by past experiences to be a little wiser and sinisterly practical and to know better that is nothing more than a romantic notion dreamed up by lovelorn people of the past to make their mundane and uneventful lives a little more magical and intriguing?

Have you experienced it? If your answer is yes, did it last? What was the ending? Note that I use the word ending here as most people who have experienced that did not, unfortunately and most dismally, have a lasting relationship with the person who initially knocked them over completely. Maybe the rush of the blood to the head was not quite enough to propel the relationship (if there was even one to begin with) to a long and lasting way. Do you go so weak in the presence of beauty that you foolishly overlooked all the flaws that come with a person? So what does it all mean then? Should we, or I even, still be hopelessly optimistic about it? Sitting, waiting, wishing? The one person who would drop a Salinger book on the street? There is always the saying 'who ever loved not loved at first sight?'. But then again, we all know that an intense start is all memorable and overwhelmingly sweet but the resy of the journey is always a different story all together. In fact, most relationships that started with a bang will fizzle out pretty quickly and even before you can say 'do you want to go away somewhere this weekend?'. So maybe, we should go by the belief 'love me little, love me long'?

So what do you look for in a person? The million-dollar question. Do you have a list of criteria? Do you at least know what you don't one even if you didn't know what you want? If you have a list, do you reckon it is realistic? Or are you still hopelessly optimistic again and think that nothing and no one is ever too far-fetched? Would you let go of someone and make a beeline for the door if your checklist is not fulfilled? Or would you give it a go anyway and grow with the person and take your time to fill out all the checks? Or, would you be wise enough (or crazy enough, depending) to just forgo that damn list and be realistic and convince yourself that you will never find the 'perfect' one and that you are willing to accept this person as he is and then tip-toe around the fine line between compromising and settling?

Maybe our wishes and hopes and fears of The One is actually very far from the person that we will eventually end up with. It could be like our ambitions and our visions when we were growing up of what we will be and how we will be. In retrospect, who I am now and what I am and even where I am is nothing like how I envisioned it to be. So maybe that list of criterion I have has to go at some stage. I am still being stubborn at the moment, but I know I can be convinced, as opposed to before. It can't be done overnight that's for sure, but I might get there someday. Or should I even bother? I never believe in settling anyway. Or am I re-addressing the issue because age is catching up?

And then there are always choices. I am sure you have been through situations where you are allowed to choose more than one. And then you are not too sure where your heart lies, and there is always that apprehension of going with the wrong person only to realise it at later stage and by then you would have missed your chance with the other. It's a scary thought isn't it? People might say go with your heart but it's never that easy, is it?

At the end of the day, we will all end up with one, the certain someone whom you will really fall for at first sight, be totally blinded and silly and all you ever think about every minute of the day is that person. I have met that person not too long ago, but the ending was hardly a happy one. I am presented with many options now. I am not complaining though. I am in a good place I think.