Run Baby, Run

So I had a crazy start to the day. One of the worst days I have had at work. Such days happen pretty frequently lately, but this gotta take the trophy. The moment I stepped into office, at least two people were telling me to go check on the X-ray generators as the X-rays were cut off due to a power surge over the weekend. Great. Three alarms were sounding off simultaneously. After assessing the damages, I found that two filaments were blown, the software to the machine was not responding, and there was a big puddle of water from the cooling system, which, to my horror, was still growing due to a steady leak. What a wonderful experience, great sights and sound all included. Technical details aside, I worked on it from 9 to 3 straight to fix up all the problems, and luckily, I did. Not so lucky for my boss though, cos he almost died when the cryo-system controller that weighs at least 20 kg fell on his neck while he was bent over giving me a hand in taking the system apart. For a moment, I seriously thought he will go through the spinal-cord-being-snapped-and-die thing, like in movies. He was shaking when I helped him up and he said he felt faint. I felt pretty damn near to fainting myself too from the shock.

So all was well and I was feeling glad and happy and proud of myself when the second power trip happened! Fuck! And yes, that was the first word that came out of my mouth too,when it happened, and no, the X-ray generators could not handle two trips in one day and they just died, failing to bring the vacuum up at all. So yes, the whole day’s work gone to waste. And this time, it was totally beyond me and I have to leave it to the guys from Sydney. That sounded easy but it wasn't at all, cos I have to 'negotiate' with their boss to make this service trip a non-chargeable one. Well, nothing was written in the contract about power failure to begin with!

It was indeed an anti-climatic experience. On my way home earlier on, I was feeling all frustrated and unfulfilled and maybe even useless. I know I have tried my best, but there is no denying that it still sucks majorly. I will definitely try to push for UPS for the machines after today, but I don’t know if that is even possible at all due to the huge power consumption by the generators. Another thing to brood over, damn.

So after the crazy day I have had, my reward comes in the form of a spanking new black iPod at the reception. I had it delivered to work. I am looking at it charging away now and I can’t wait to start playing with it soon.

The weekend was great too. I got my couch sorted out, even though it was a bit of a splurge. Managed to catch some sun too, too much maybe, around the bayside area. Had some not-so-great beer and food at the much talked about Belgian Beer Café but at least now I know what it is all about, which is nothing much to rave about really.

I s’pose the weekend could have been a really fantastic one if not for the fact that I received an email from a co-worker. At first I thought it was about work but it wasn’t like that at all. Turned out that he knows someone whom I know during those crazy days of mine a while ago, but that is not it. He also knows some things I have done that I am not too proud of, or have no intentions to bring up again. I am not majorly flustered by this incident though, surprisingly. However, it re-affirms the fact (for me) that some things you do in life do echo on, and there is always the option of running away from them but certainly there is no hiding at all. They will somehow catch up with you at some stage. If he confronts me, whcih he probably will, I am not going to deny anything or defend myself in anyway. The fact remains I have indeed done those things. So what I do about it? I just have to accept it and move on, as always. It’s kinda like my grades for my final udergraduate year. Although it has been 3 years now, they still find their way into my scholarship applications and hinder me from getting one. Oh well.

So yes, I had a certified crappy day. Alright, maybe I shouldn’t be whinging anymore, when my housemate is all hassled and disturbed at the moment by the fact that he has to put down one of his beloved pet rats because it has a huge tumour near its neck with green pus oozing out. Alright, too much info already.

A Different To-Do List

Catching up with a friend from a fair way back tonight re-affirmed the fact that I can't go back to my 'old' life anymore. And by saying old life, I mean my life these coupla years here in Melbourne. It's like looking at some old photos and wondering how I could wear a certain hairstyle or clothes or expression. I am definitely over the big nights out and the hard boozing and chain smoking and all that jazz. I know I must have mentioned this before but this time, I can't be any surer. I am glad, like seriously glad, that I have been good these past few months and that I am holding up. The boredom has not set in yet, but I know it's inevitable. I am not sure if I can handle it, but I am certainly willing to give it a shot.

All the signs seem to be pointing to the fact that it is indeed the right decision to move out from my current place. This morning I was woken up by the bright sunlight shooting through the weak blinds and following that, I found my bottle of mouthwash covered with ants. This evening when I was walking home, I was 'chatted up' by a hobo. He was so-called nice and all but just too smelly and bulgar for my liking (although the word 'like' is hardly one tobe used when it comes to hobos). And just now, when I was about to brush my teeth, I found a huge centipede on my toothpaste tube. I hate to lump things together but yes, I am so ready to move on.

Caught a Woody Allen double at The Astor earlier this week. It was The Purple Rose of Cairo with Zelig. I have always had a thing for the former, and have watched it countless times even before I knew English. This is the first time I watched it again since getting a grasp of the language. In any case, I am just as captivated by it as the first time. Although the ending was like a punch in the stomach, I s'pose that that makes it more real. As for Zelig, all I can say is that it is certainly a Woody Allen masterpiece and that everyone should have a go at it. It was a good way to round up the session after the sombre feeling that the audience was left with after Purple Rose.

Work has been hectic and certainly stressful but has never been better. Never thought I would actually say this but it's true. Talking to people makes me realised that I have a pretty good job, and that I should be appreciative (although I must admit I don't necessarily feel that way most of the time), but as I have said before, we just can't get too complacent and comfortable, can we?

I Won't Be Waiting Long

So it's been a while since I actually wrote anything here, but that doesn't mean nothing has happened. In fact, heaps of stuff have taken place recently, so much so that the three weeks since I have been back felt like a really long time already.

Work has never been more intense and hectic. I have been working late for a few nights in a row just this week alone (I must say this is a very rare occurrence for my case). I have been handed a new project that will somehow usher me back to the lab to actually do heaps of bench work and all that and in addition to that, there is always the usual task of taking care of the X-ray generators, which incidentally, have been giving us (or me specifically) heaps of work to do lately due to parts upgrade and software going out of control and all that. And yeah, will be going for another work trip in December, and this time to Chicago (home of ER!). It clashes just about damn right with my trip home. So now, I will be doing the flight home right on Christmas Eve itself. Oh well, considering that I'll land in ten in the evening, I s'pose I could actually drag my suitcase and all and catch my friends for drinks at wherever the party may be. It'll be something new and it'll be hilarious. Anyway, till then, I have heaps of work to finish and lots of preparations (including learning some new stuff) to do for the trip to The Windy City. On top of freezing my ass off, the work to be done there is gonna be pretty crazy too. But that's another story altogether.

And of course, one of the major things that will be happening in a month's time is that I am finally moving out of the ghetto! Right across the city to the west to land in Docklands. A swanky little apartment on the 16th floor with a view to die for and an ultra modern kitchen and a nice pool and gym and all that. I know I sound like a rental ad but I must admit I am pretty darn excited about the idea of moving there. I can't hardly wait! So long Collingwood, you dumpy and depressing s***hole! I am so done with slummin' already. I wanted to live in a place with character, but it obviously backfired on me. So really, be careful what you wish for!

And to come with that, I pulled off the somewhat impossible task of breaking the news to my housemate. I did it (I have to) and although the news didn't go down too well with him, he was pretty decent about it, which is great, because I don't want to end it on a sour note. It's all a bit silly and crappy, cos it felt very much like a break-up or something, 'cept it is certainly not! He felt really guilty about being messy and dirty and noisy and all, but I s'pose everything is insignificant now. I obviously didn't wait around for things to improve. However much he likes Collingwood or me as a housemate, I am definitely not sharing his sentiments. Right now, however obnoxious I may sound, I care about nothing but the buying of furniture and stuff needed for the new place and all the packing and moving and unpacking, and of work too, of course (which again, I have to emphasise is really challenging me at the moment). So yes, if all goes well, in just a month's time, I will be writing an entry in my new room. I won't be missing anything here, not even the proximity to work.

And another thing, or person rather, that I am certainly not missing is a person whom I was so smitten with just beginning of this year. I have been getting messages and even a call (which I missed, unintentionally though). I don't know what the call was about, it may not be anything significant even. But in any case, I am certainly not stressing out thinking about it because whatever it may be, I just don't really feel like responding at all, and I must say that there wasn't any internal debate that lead to this feeling. You can say I just couldn't be bothered anymore, and things have certainly changed these eight months. Again, I didn't wait around for things to get better between us. Given the same situation, I would have been really happy then and yes, I would even have been totally ecstatic when I was thanked for a great CD and a beautiful song by this person. But now, it all seems so meaningless and banal and I just don't get enchanted by it anymore. All I can say is, I am glad I have moved on and that I did not sell myself out anymore from then on.

Paul commented that in order to cut a chord as clean as I did, it must take a pretty confident person who is really comfortable with himself. Am I? I don't know, really. Comfortable yes, confident, maybe not all the time. I would be lying if I say I am. But still, I take that as a compliment. After all, I am indeed doing a pretty fine job here.

It was just today that I went for a barbecue at the same park (which incidentally, is right in front of the apartment I am moving in to, but anyway) which I did my birthday barbecue, and of course, which was also just before the 'wonderful' talk that took place that same night. So, what I want to say is, the same place and activity yes, but the feeling is totally different. Right now, I am in fact very glad that the person is out of my life and I am the one who actually orchestrated so.

After all, don't treat me right only after I have walked away. What's the point of that, really?

And oh yes, did I mention I have stopped smoking for three weeks already? I won't use the word 'quit' at the moment just yet because I don't know if it will last. Also, I will wait a bit before giving away my 3 cartons of ciggies. In any case, just these three short weeks alone is enough to make me feel like I am in control of my life (and isn't this my incessant quest this year?) at this juncture and that maybe I am not that hopeless after all. There was no patch or pills or extra caffeine needed, I don't believe in those things.

I am taking a long time to get to be the person I want to be (or think I want to be) but I know I am getting there somehow. At least I didn't wait till 30 to come up with all sorts of resolutions. I don't think I am living in denial or oblivion because I have to say again that is just not my style. Having said that, I must admit I still harbour fears that I will somehow get myself entangled in some drama again sometime soon and get dragged back a few steps again. I have taken heaps of time and I don't want to retard my progress in anyway at all. So can I make a promise here that I will try to have a 'normal' life? Even if it means being boring and run the risk of getting bored majorly? I s'pose it's a bit of a trade off. Well, at least for the rest of this year, I want to keep it this way. As for next year, we'll see. I don't want to count my chicks before they are hatched. And yes, talk is cheap too.

So yes, there are indeed a lot of things happening in my life at the moment, even though it may not seem like so on the surface. I know my mind is definitely put on overdrive mode at the moment, and money will flow at top speed too; furniture shopping and the trip to Chicago, as I will be staying back a few days when work is completed to muck around town and to do another big shopping spree. There will also be another trip up to Mildura to load up the wine and oranges supply, just a week before moving house. And yes, there will also be all the Christmas shopping to be done before heading home. Tiring as it may all sound, it is somehow strangely exciting. At least it keeps me out of mischief and allows me to yank myself away from all the crazy drama. I am certainly not complaining about that!

Los Angeles, again.

So I have gone one full circle to be back at LAX now, waiting for the last flight for this trip that will take me across the Pacific Ocean to return to Melbourne, to my adopted home, to my bed. I managed to survive a trip to Santa Monica earlier on for some last-minute shopping. I got the same uncomfortable feeling again, while waiting for the bus to come back to the airport. I was all alone on the street, and there was no taxi in sight. I waited and waited but the bloody bus didn’t come. Finally, a woman came along and I asked her if I was waiting at the right bus stop. Turned out that I was at the wrong stop and she directed me to the right one. Phew! She happened to take the same bus as me too so I got a bit of company for an otherwise boring ride. At least, my last night here in America didn’t turn out to be one big nightmare. I see a guy who was on the same flight as me on my way here. He is here in LA to visit his parents. How coincidental. I wonder if he had a good trip, or if he had one that is as exciting as mine. Or maybe, unlike me, he is lucky enough to have an absolute break.