I Won't Be Waiting Long

So it's been a while since I actually wrote anything here, but that doesn't mean nothing has happened. In fact, heaps of stuff have taken place recently, so much so that the three weeks since I have been back felt like a really long time already.

Work has never been more intense and hectic. I have been working late for a few nights in a row just this week alone (I must say this is a very rare occurrence for my case). I have been handed a new project that will somehow usher me back to the lab to actually do heaps of bench work and all that and in addition to that, there is always the usual task of taking care of the X-ray generators, which incidentally, have been giving us (or me specifically) heaps of work to do lately due to parts upgrade and software going out of control and all that. And yeah, will be going for another work trip in December, and this time to Chicago (home of ER!). It clashes just about damn right with my trip home. So now, I will be doing the flight home right on Christmas Eve itself. Oh well, considering that I'll land in ten in the evening, I s'pose I could actually drag my suitcase and all and catch my friends for drinks at wherever the party may be. It'll be something new and it'll be hilarious. Anyway, till then, I have heaps of work to finish and lots of preparations (including learning some new stuff) to do for the trip to The Windy City. On top of freezing my ass off, the work to be done there is gonna be pretty crazy too. But that's another story altogether.

And of course, one of the major things that will be happening in a month's time is that I am finally moving out of the ghetto! Right across the city to the west to land in Docklands. A swanky little apartment on the 16th floor with a view to die for and an ultra modern kitchen and a nice pool and gym and all that. I know I sound like a rental ad but I must admit I am pretty darn excited about the idea of moving there. I can't hardly wait! So long Collingwood, you dumpy and depressing s***hole! I am so done with slummin' already. I wanted to live in a place with character, but it obviously backfired on me. So really, be careful what you wish for!

And to come with that, I pulled off the somewhat impossible task of breaking the news to my housemate. I did it (I have to) and although the news didn't go down too well with him, he was pretty decent about it, which is great, because I don't want to end it on a sour note. It's all a bit silly and crappy, cos it felt very much like a break-up or something, 'cept it is certainly not! He felt really guilty about being messy and dirty and noisy and all, but I s'pose everything is insignificant now. I obviously didn't wait around for things to improve. However much he likes Collingwood or me as a housemate, I am definitely not sharing his sentiments. Right now, however obnoxious I may sound, I care about nothing but the buying of furniture and stuff needed for the new place and all the packing and moving and unpacking, and of work too, of course (which again, I have to emphasise is really challenging me at the moment). So yes, if all goes well, in just a month's time, I will be writing an entry in my new room. I won't be missing anything here, not even the proximity to work.

And another thing, or person rather, that I am certainly not missing is a person whom I was so smitten with just beginning of this year. I have been getting messages and even a call (which I missed, unintentionally though). I don't know what the call was about, it may not be anything significant even. But in any case, I am certainly not stressing out thinking about it because whatever it may be, I just don't really feel like responding at all, and I must say that there wasn't any internal debate that lead to this feeling. You can say I just couldn't be bothered anymore, and things have certainly changed these eight months. Again, I didn't wait around for things to get better between us. Given the same situation, I would have been really happy then and yes, I would even have been totally ecstatic when I was thanked for a great CD and a beautiful song by this person. But now, it all seems so meaningless and banal and I just don't get enchanted by it anymore. All I can say is, I am glad I have moved on and that I did not sell myself out anymore from then on.

Paul commented that in order to cut a chord as clean as I did, it must take a pretty confident person who is really comfortable with himself. Am I? I don't know, really. Comfortable yes, confident, maybe not all the time. I would be lying if I say I am. But still, I take that as a compliment. After all, I am indeed doing a pretty fine job here.

It was just today that I went for a barbecue at the same park (which incidentally, is right in front of the apartment I am moving in to, but anyway) which I did my birthday barbecue, and of course, which was also just before the 'wonderful' talk that took place that same night. So, what I want to say is, the same place and activity yes, but the feeling is totally different. Right now, I am in fact very glad that the person is out of my life and I am the one who actually orchestrated so.

After all, don't treat me right only after I have walked away. What's the point of that, really?

And oh yes, did I mention I have stopped smoking for three weeks already? I won't use the word 'quit' at the moment just yet because I don't know if it will last. Also, I will wait a bit before giving away my 3 cartons of ciggies. In any case, just these three short weeks alone is enough to make me feel like I am in control of my life (and isn't this my incessant quest this year?) at this juncture and that maybe I am not that hopeless after all. There was no patch or pills or extra caffeine needed, I don't believe in those things.

I am taking a long time to get to be the person I want to be (or think I want to be) but I know I am getting there somehow. At least I didn't wait till 30 to come up with all sorts of resolutions. I don't think I am living in denial or oblivion because I have to say again that is just not my style. Having said that, I must admit I still harbour fears that I will somehow get myself entangled in some drama again sometime soon and get dragged back a few steps again. I have taken heaps of time and I don't want to retard my progress in anyway at all. So can I make a promise here that I will try to have a 'normal' life? Even if it means being boring and run the risk of getting bored majorly? I s'pose it's a bit of a trade off. Well, at least for the rest of this year, I want to keep it this way. As for next year, we'll see. I don't want to count my chicks before they are hatched. And yes, talk is cheap too.

So yes, there are indeed a lot of things happening in my life at the moment, even though it may not seem like so on the surface. I know my mind is definitely put on overdrive mode at the moment, and money will flow at top speed too; furniture shopping and the trip to Chicago, as I will be staying back a few days when work is completed to muck around town and to do another big shopping spree. There will also be another trip up to Mildura to load up the wine and oranges supply, just a week before moving house. And yes, there will also be all the Christmas shopping to be done before heading home. Tiring as it may all sound, it is somehow strangely exciting. At least it keeps me out of mischief and allows me to yank myself away from all the crazy drama. I am certainly not complaining about that!