I Stopped the World

Today is the first time in months that I can just wear T's and jeans lying in the park. It's a great feeling, knowing that spring is indeed making its presence felt. There's even a smell of spring in the air, whatever that means. I can't exactly describe it, but you know it when it's there. Almond croissant and lemon tart at Babka, reading a book in the park, beautiful weather, quiet day at work, what more can I ask for?

It feels as though nothing and no one else exists in the world right now but me and my little thoughts. I wish this feeling can last a little longer though.

It could be a better world if I don't see headlines like "Arnie vows to veto gay marriage bill". Doesn't Mr Has-Been Terminator knows what is "live and let live"?

And here I am now at my desk not doing any work but just writing this entry with an hour to go before knocking off. Well, I deserve a break (after break) amidst all the readings and reports I have to do before I head off to Houston. What a significant time to be heading there now anyway. Who's in the mood to work on day like this? On that note, everyone should learn to chill a little. Why are some people always so angry? They snap at the tiniest thing and over-react at the slightest incidents. Is it so hard to hold yourself back (or rather, hold the tongue back)? I hate to see someone copping shit from a monster, especially here at work. C'mon, everyone has problems and issues of his own and what makes you think yours are any more major than the next? In spite of whatever shit that has happened to me in my life or the night before even, I still come in to work in the morning with a smile. Why is it so hard for some to leave their baggages at home? You don't have to see your own f*** face but others have to, so spare them the agony, will ya? I promise myself not to get affected by them and for whatever reason they might come and mess up my little private universe here, I will walk away and not blow things out of magnitude (which I am so capable of in my previous job). I just don't wish to bring myself down to their level ever again. For now, I will just sit and watch the crazy world here go by, through the eyes of an equally crazy adult undercover.

A friend asked me when I'll be back for a vacation. It seems pretty soon, just slightly under three months, but coming to think of it, it doesn't seem like really that soon at all, considering that time has been passing by pretty slowly these past few weeks. Just thinking about that night with the silly accident and all the things that happened, it seems like so long ago, even though it hasn't even been a month. It seems like I have done so much within this short period of time. Maybe it's all in the mind, all the thoughts, all the internal conversations, all the reflections and all the promises and plans. Maybe that's why there are so many seem's in this paragraph.

I don't know, maybe I'm feeling the tiredness of certain things, or maybe I am just sick of talking or listening too much. Maybe I just need to slow things down significantly just to be whole again. I'm not doing too shabby a job here at being fine actually, at least I didn't just crumple and die (although I think I almost did). I still do my work, talk to my friends, play squash, go out, read books and thrashy magazines and watch movies, although I must admit I have been bailing out from plans delibrately and been sabotaging heaps of weekend plans in exchange for some quiet activities. I just feel like so at the moment. It seems too much effort (and a total lack of inspiration too) to have a big night out and to socialise and meet new people and to make small talk. I am contented with the same old familiar faces for now. I wish I could say the same for places though.

Isn't it a shame that some people listen to all the songs and watch all the movies in the world (or claim to) but still shallow as anything? Not to mention having emotional intelligence as low as their character. I'm referring to someone of course, a friend actually. It makes me cringe (and disgusted too) just thinking that he counts Finn and Mraz, especially the former, as his favourite acts. I think it's an insult to both these great artistes, really. I hate it when he pulls the whole I-am-so-deep-and-complicated-while-others-are-so-shallow crap. Like, dude, you are the shallow and childish one. Hate to sound judgemental, must be the lack of books and travelling, if you ask me. I think he should be banished from the world of (cool) adults and be kicked back to kinder to learn some proper manners. He's next on my list to be given the boot (with that word, he should be sent to a boot camp too to get some sense knocked into his thick head). No more favours from me and no more friendly catching-up's to do. It irks me just thinking what a self-centered and ignorant bastard he is. I kinda feel sorry for him too actually.

At the rate that I'm going, I may end up with no friends at all, ha. But really, it's all about quality over quantity, isn't it?

I picked up the guitar again and the first song I tried was "Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz, of course. I am amazed I could actually make the song sound decent and that certainly motivated me to no end. It's funny how this song keeps popping up in all ways. It is the first I heard on the new album. I used it as a title for one of the entries here. I have sent it to the person before. It was playing in the car that night while the two of us sat there in awkward silence waiting for the bloody RACV to come. It is also the first song that a person who has been having a crush on me for the past year downloaded (and in turn wanting to send to me). I really like this song so much, almost as much as "You and I Both", despite whatever memories these two songs bring. It's perhaps because of that fact too.

It's time to pack up and buzz off from here now. I am grabbing that drink at Enoteca that I have been thinking of the whole afternoon. The promise of Campari with blood red orange juice and a dash of lime is just too hard to ignore, even though I have never tried it before. Maybe I'll continue with this later tonight, if the weather is nice and I can sit out at the patio with a glass of wine and write.