Sheep Counting

I just can't sleep. I have been tossing and turning in bed for the past half an hour or so having hundreds of things going through my head, and I hate that feeling. It doesn't help that the wind outside is blowing so strongly and every window and glass door in the house is rattling. It is very all very unsettling.

I have a fairly big day at work tomorrow, and I should be getting some sleep now. In addition to that, I have to settle some bank stuff, run to the optician, check out a jacket and meet someone in St Kilda.

Yes, I am actually agreeing to go to St Kilda. Anyone who knows me better will know I will do anything not to go there. I don't s'pose I have told anyone, not even my closest friends, why I loathe that place so much. Well, maybe loathe is too strong a word because I don't really hate it. It just brings back too much memories and of course, it always runs the risk of seeing someone I do not want to see unnecessarily (which has happened before).

And after tomorrow, I s'pose there will be more reasons why I shouldn't go back there again.

I know it's stupid to avoid a place just not to get reminded of some things and someone. But having said that, why should I put myself through something unpleasant either? There are like hundred other places to go for a drink or dinner here in this city. Alright, just one more time tomorrow and we'll see.

I'm too tired thinking already and tomorrow should put a full stop to this incident that has been bugging me for a while now. After all, how did it even manifest to this stage? I thought I had it well under control and it'll run a natural course of fading off. Having somewhat already guessed the outcome of the meeting, I really wonder why I even agreed to meet up in the first place. So much for all that bullshit on self-protection and all that. I just seem to throw myself into situations where I will end up feeling shitty and all that. Yes, Julian, you're so f***ing stupid sometimes.