New York City

The city that never sleeps, or, as Carrie Bradshaw put it, the city of endless possibilities. It is indeed, all of the above and more. It is a city of its own, and no other can even come close, not even Tokyo. The tall, tall buildings, the traffic, the crowds, the noise, the pollution and the shopping, are all very overwhelming. So this is NYC, a city that I have heard so much about and a city that I have always wanted to visit. It feels like I am in another world altogether, certainly a different one from the one I am so familiar with called Melbourne.

Being here, everything seems so far away and nothing seems to matter at all. I s’pose there are enough distractions. Not even the horrendous episode down in Houston, not even my credit card max-ing out due to all the expenses that work owes to me, not even my small, dingy hotel room in SoHo, and sad to say, not even the fact that May and I seem to have a barrier between us being apart for a fair bit of time now. Still, I don’t wish to be here forever either. Such is the dilemma I am having at the moment. I have no strong desire to settle down in any particular city, not even Melbourne, not even Singapore, the two cities that I have been calling home up to this stage of my life. I am fascinated by New York, but not charmed. Maybe I am not suited to live in such a big city after all. But having said that, I would still love to be back here again, especially in autumn, which I can imagine that it will be really beautiful.

I have seen and done much in this city so far. I have been up on the Empire State Building (great view), saw the Statue of Liberty (no big deal), walked down 5th and 6th avenues (my definition of shopping paradise) and rode in big, yellow taxis. I have spent an entire afternoon at the Metropolitan Museum of Art (it was a really pleasant experience), took many touristy pictures at Times Square (reminds me of Tokyo), strode down Chelsea (being checked out heaps) and most significantly, had the cupcakes at Magnolia Bakery, made famous by Carrie Bradshaw. Afterall, Sex and The City is what drew me here in the first place. I have, I reckon, paid my dues as being a single and fabulous tourist in the Big Apple.
















And this, being the last leg and last day of my big American trip, has of course, led me to sum up a few things about myself. Having worked for a couple of years and having several failed relationships later and most significantly, having lived in Melbourne for a while now, I seem to have mellowed out majorly but have gotten surer of myself in the mean time. I am also no longer afraid of being alone in a foreign city and meeting strangers. I have learned to keep an open mind and accept things as they are and no longer feel so bitter or irritable when things are not going my way. I don’t necessarily have to state my point so firmly or to make my presence felt always. I almost don’t mind giving in and making compromises at times.













I am perched on a high chair on a rooftop bar drinking Stella looking over to Madison Square Garden and down at the busy streets of Joe Louis Plaza. It is a beautiful day, perfect temperature and brilliant sunshine. I am going to say goodbye to this amazing city tomorrow. Till then, I will get another pint, smoke a coupla more ciggies, and head off to Times Square to catch Sheryl Crow and over to Serendipity to get their famous frozen hot chocolate.

It will be a long flight home. Twenty-eight hours in total in the lay-over in LA. Chatting with the locals re-affirmed the distance. So yes, I will be back in Melbourne to re-connect and re-emerge in the ups and downs of life, as well as the beautiful and shitty encounters of my life down under. I am missing my friends already. I hope they miss me too.

So maybe America has hardened May up while Australia has soften me out. There is nothing wrong with that I s’pose, everybody changes. I am not embarrassed at all, because I am certainly not weak. I have been through a lot yet I am still alive. I just hope May will have a good vacation back home with the friends we share, because I still think they are a swell bunch of buddies, despite whatever has happened.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So here I am in a cab leaving NYC behind me now. This is the beginning of my long journey home. Mariah’s Shake It Off is on the radio now. I am in her city now, listening to her song. It is kinda symbolic, as I finally made it to NYC at a time that she has just made her comeback. So after surviving one of this city’s infamous jams, JFK is finally in sight. Oh, I see an SIA plane over there. I almost feel homesick for a split second. But home for me now is Melbourne, and my work is there and there are still many other things to take care of.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So we are finally taking off, going from the east coast to the west. For a moment, I almost forgot I am still in New York. Really, after seven airports in just two weeks later, every airport feels the same to me, especially so when I am in America, where every airport is ever so functional and sterile.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Survived 3 hours on this flight and another 3 more to go, oh God. I certainly have too much Julian-time this trip. Even when I had May with me, I still feel pretty much alone. So maybe distance and different experiences between two people do play a detrimental role. It is beyond my control, of course. All I can hope for is that it will not have a lasting, malignant effect on our friendship.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There is an interesting yet depressing article in this month’s issue of GQ magazine. It is about the man mistakenly killed over the London bombings. Seven bullets were pumped into his head. It saddens and infuriates me at the same time. Stupid, f***ing police, going all edgy and paranoid. F***ing pigs.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Munching on my bag of M&M’s now (which has miraculously lasted through three different states now) made me realized that I didn’t really load up on the sinful food this time round, which is usually a major part of my vacations. Maybe it is due to a lack of appetite due to constant lack of sleep, or maybe I lack a partner-in-crime. In fact, I almost threw up after forcing down the huge-ass frozen hot chocolate (I still don’t get the oxymoron in there) at Serendipity last night. So I reckon I must have lost weight, with all the walking done.

Maybe this trip can be summed up as one big “movie trip”. From staying at Melrose to visiting Mulholland Drive, and from Hollywood to Beverly Hills. Went from Seattle to the Empire State Building, and having gone from Magnolia Bakery to Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. to Serendipity Café. So maybe, afterall, there is a meaning and a certain depth to this trip, and I am liking it already.

Seattle

Six days, five airports and four boring hours on yet another flight later, I am here in Seattle. It feels really surreal, when it was just a few hours ago that I was still stuck in chaotic Houston. It has been good so far. So I have met May three days earlier than planned. I am so tired right now, tired out by the day’s events and by a switch of time zone yet again, and of course, by the disappointment of not being able to complete the training course at Rigaku/MSC. It is, no doubt, good to see another city, one that May has lived in for the past few years and raved much about, but I do feel unsatisfied that I have accomplished nothing in the work sense and that this trip is nothing but one big vacation, or, shopping spree rather. I am really grateful to May for picking me up at the airport and for putting me up as well. All in all, I am grateful for a familiar face and a good old friend fromw ay back. And of course, I am real glad to have company for dinner, the first time in days.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coincidentally, they were showing Sleepless in Seattle on TV when I got here last night, a movie that I do like a lot and have watched many times over. It is kinda symbolic, as I am here and will be heading to NYC next, just like the characters in the show. But anyway, sleepless I was definitely not, as I fell into a deep sleep the moment my head touched the pillow.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am loving Seattle already. I always have a feeling that this city is similar to Melbourne, and I s’pose I was not wrong at all. The city is neat and tidy, and the people are warm and friendly, and yes, the shopping is great too. In addition, it reminds me of Sydney too, with its inland waters and the beautiful skyline. I am having a good time here. I managed to get decent coffees and shopped heaps for myself and my friends. I like it how I can walk effortlessly around downtown and the vibe at Pike Place Market is simply wonderful. Lots of seafood and fresh fruit, and the first Starbucks in the world can be found here too. I can certainly live in Seattle. It is not because of the fact that my friend is here and hence me saying so. It’s an instinct. I feel like I am finally on vacation, although I know I hardly deserve one. I am glad May is doing fine here, and I wish I could show her my life in Melbourne too. I know she will like it, despite the hefty prices of food and transport. I couldn’t stop raving about this city too when I called home to talk to Dad, and he egg me on to maybe get a job here or something since I like it so much. Oh well, liking it is one thing, and actually re-locating here is another. I have to stay true to the city I called home now, don’t I? There are still a lot of places in this world that I have not been. What if I fall in love with another city again, which I probably will? It will inevitably turn me into this insatiable and schizophrenic nomad who is constantly on the move. This applies to feelings for people too. I gotta learn to commit and to be contented with what I have, where I am.

Houston/The Woodlands

So here I am in steamy Houston, the very reason why I am here in the US of A in the first place. The heat is sweltering, and I got the first hit back in Dallas earlier on. The temperature averages at 36 C. I have a whole week here, and this could probably serve as a preview to summer in Melbourne. The limo is taking me to The Woodlands now, 28 miles north of Houston. I will probably head down to downtown later to check it out. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I thought plenty will be happening in downtown Houston, since this is the fourth largest city in America. Apparently, there wasn’t much at all, and the famous Bayou Place is nothing more than a cinema and the Hard Rock Café. The city is very well-planned and clean, but the heat makes it really uncomfortable to wander around. I met this weirdo who ignored me when I asked for directions, literally waving me away as though I was a fly. But later, he actually signaled for me to enter his house from across the road. Of course I refused! What a freak! Anyway, I rounded up the night by having a real good Tex-Mex dinner and met a real nice dude who helped me called for a taxi when I was stranded in the city for what seemed like forever. The cab fares were incredibly hefty, costing USD 150 for a return trip! I have decided to give up on the idea of visiting the NASA Space Centre tomorrow, as the cab fare will be about 200 bucks while the ticket is only 18. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Woodlands Mall it is called. I have decided to spend my second day here by exploring it. It is just a 10 minutes walk from my hotel, so I wasn’t expecting it to be a very exciting place, being out here in the sticks. But hey, to my surprise, they have most of my favourite shops! There were Abercrombie & Fitch, GAP, Banana Republic, aldo, Urban Outfitters, Hollister, Fossil and even Godiva Chocolates. This is my idea of an oasis out in the desert. I was obviously wrong about The Woodlands, which I thought was nothing more than a hole in the ground. And the interesting about The Woodlands is that everything must be “hidden” by trees or shrubs, in order to preserve the look and feel of a true woodlands. No wonder I though there was absolutely nothing in this place at first, since everything is well tucked away. Despite the heat, it was great fun exploring the place and “discovering” restaurants and stores in what seemed like a forest. My greatest reward came in the form of The Cheesecake Factory and Barnes & Noble (which I replenished my supply of fashion and trash mags). I will definitely come here for dinner on the subsequent nights that I am here. Work is starting tomorrow, so no more mucking around like a tourist. I have to stay alert, learn heaps, and be professional and sociable o build up my network in the field, however much I hate to. Oh well, I just can’t deny the reason why I am here in the first place. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I just got back from another great Tex-Mex dinner, oblivious to the situation at first. It is about 9pm now. There is talk of a possible evacuation due to Hurricane Rita, which may hit in 48 hours’ time. There are parts of Texas that are under mandatory evacuation orders already, such as Gavelston and Port Arthur. I am tuning in to the news constantly for developing news. I was planning to have an early night in preparation for work tomorrow, but I s’pose I can’t now. There is just too much excitement. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Headed down to the lobby for a ciggie and to suss out any news. The evacuees from Louisiana (who have been permanent fixtures at the lobby and around the hotel since my arrival) were no longer there. Do they know something that I don’t? Are they being pro-active and checked out before anything happens? What am I to do now? Should I stop writing this very minute and get the hell out of here? Where do I go? What about work? An instructor at Rigaku/MSC sent a mail to my boss about the possibility of a course cancellation. This reminds me of films like Independence Day and Great Impact, except this is real and I have to react. I guess I will stay here for one more night and see what happens at work tomorrow. I have responsibilities, and can’t just bolt like that. I will call Dad now to tell him I am safe, to idle my time away. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- All Dad could say was to tell me to get out of here immediately. I told him I can’t do that as it is late now and it will be hard to change my ticket. Also, I have work to do here and it’s not right to disappear like that. Afterall, there is no evacuation order just yet. I feel somewhat disappointed that he could offer no words of comfort. How nice it was back in those days when we were kids, when we could count on our parents to get us out of any situations. That privilege is gone now and I feel more alone all of a sudden. However, I am surprisingly calm at the moment, just like the weather now before the storm. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ “What’s gonna happen when Rita sweeps in on Friday?”, a Canadian guy asked when we got in to work on Wednesday. To which the program co-ordinator simply replied “I am hoping you guys will be home by then”. At that moment, I knew that the course will not go on, but the idea of evacuation had not sunk in yet. However, things started to happen in a whirlwind like manner when one of the more senior guys at Rigaku/MSC got the official word that the airport will be closed by 2pm the next day, which means we have to get out of Houston as soon as possible. That started a frenzy of ringing up airline offices and for me, it meant being kicked back and forth between the Qantas service line to the American Airlines service line. It was all very frustrating. All I wanted was to change my sector from Dallas to New York to tomorrow instead of Saturday. After more than an hour on the phone, I was finally told that no one could do anything to make that change except for the travel agent back in Melbourne, but it was 2am in Australia then! Who the hell will be there to answer my call? So in a matter of seconds, I decided to forgo that ticket and to get a new one instead. But where can I go in this big, foreign land? I have only two options: to go to New York by myself first or up to Seattle to crash at May’s. I have become a refugee myself all of a sudden. Luckily for us, they have an in-house travel agent at Rigaku/MSC and they helped me to get a ticket up to Seattle, and from there, I will fly to NYC via Chicago on Saturday. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am on yet another plane ride now, to Seattle, an unexpected city that I would visit for this trip. I had just experienced and seen something that I have never had before. It was all very nerve-wrecking and crazy. After returning to the hotel, I had only 5 minutes o pack before the driver came around to send me to the airport. I threw opened my suitcase, dunked everything in, rushed downstairs to check-out, hopped onto the limo, and we sped towards the airport. Fortunately, the airport was at the south of Houston. The freeway heading north was all jammed up with cars standing still bumper to bumper. According to the news on radio, some of these people have already been stuck on the road for almost 13 hours now and most are running out of water and fuel. The scene at the airport was just as bad. People were rushing everywhere, to buy tickets, to get to the front to check in, and to push their stuff through security. It was an absolute mad house! After spending about 45 minutes at a make-shift check-in counter, I was told that I have to go into the main terminal and join the queue all over again! His attitude changed when he saw my foreign passport! No reason was given at all and that SOB actually shouted at me! I retorted with a very loud “f*** you” and rushed into the main terminal. I almost fainted when I saw the queues but I told myself to stay calm and not to lose it. I only had an hour to go! I can’t miss my flight no matter what! I tried calling the travel agent to change my flight only to realise that they, too, have left the office. So what do I do? In the end, I actually just went straight to the counter, ignoring the queue, and practically pleaded for help. Luckily for me, my “request” was answered and I got on my flight at last. So here I am, on my way to Seattle, leaving the mad, mad world behind. I feel like I have aged at least 10 years all of a sudden. This trip is certainly unfolding in a most unexpected (and maybe even unpleasant) manner. Above all, I can’t help but wonder if it is due to my seemingly continuous streak of bad luck again. I shouldn’t be so superstitious, and I should be grateful that I have gotten out, and that at least I am not facing the risk of losing my house or my job, unlike many of the locals. But still, I find no reason to be cheerful at all. I am suddenly so tired. My fellow passenger assures me that Seattle will be a great place and that I will certainly have fun in. I hope she is right, as I really need a break after today’s dramatic episode.

Los Angeles

I was certainly in a trance when I landed, after having sat through a 15-hour flight with only about 2 hours of sleep. I badly wanted to have a shower and crash when I got to the hotel but the room was not ready yet. I had almost 2 hours to kill. It was about 11am here in LA then but it was like 4am back in Melbourne, so my body and mind were just not functioning very well. The only thing to do was to find a place to get a coffee. My hotel is here on Melrose Avenue, and looking at the map tells me that the famous Walk of Fame in Hollywood is just three blocks north and two blocks east from here. So I decided to take a walk there, which turned out to be quite a mistake as the blocks were huge and the Californian heat was quite unbearable. So I got my caffeine fix in the end, and wasted no time in shopping at GAP and Banana Republic, at least that kept me awake. After checking in, I decided not to sleep at all so that I could get into the time zone here. I ventured into downtown LA (against the advice of several locals) and as a retribution, I got lost and somehow ended up in the Hispanic quarters. It was not a pretty sight at all, with many junkies and hobos and dangerous-looking people around. In desperstion, I hopped onto a random bus (only to find more junkies and deros) and and then onto another bus and somehow found my way back to West Hollywood, where my hotel is. I had to stay awake (which was really hard) as I didn’t want to miss my stop. Thinking back, I am really lucky not to have run into some sorts of trouble. I realised that here in LA, everyone drives and there is hardly anyone walking on the streets at all.
----------------------------------------------------------------

I am so glad I managed to function normally after a good night’s rest that lasted 13 hours. I so needed that. I even took a touristy day trip that brought me to Venice Beach (dubbed to be a place with character and rustic charms but it reminds me of nothing but Collingwood) and to see all the houses of celebrities on the Hollywood Hills. I even saw Pete Sampras on Rodeo Drive. I signed up for this trip only because I get to visit Mulholland Drive. Rounded my afternoon up at a Mexican Festival and gorged myself silly with a huge-ass sausage and lotsa corn chips. Nice. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I can't really say I am liking LA much, despite the great shopping and food at The Grove here in Fairfax. I don’t know, somehow everything seems to be a bit much. Other than the gated neighbourhoods like Beverly Hills and Bel-Air, the whole city seems to be very washed-out and slumpy, even the ubiqutious palm trees are not helping much. Everything and everyone seems to be a bit OTT; the dressing, the bling blings, the gigantic SUVs, the hookers, the overly coulourful or greasy food, the fake tan, fake boobs, and the fake blonds. Truth be told, I reckon I have had enough of this city and I can’t wait to fly out tomorrow. I normally enjoy a big city but somehow not this one. Maybe now I finally understand why some Americans hate southern California and also why some celebs claimed they can never live in Hollywood. Things are certainly very different from in the movies.

Just A Brief Thought

"Everybody comes to Hollywood
They wanna make it in the neighborhood"

The song keeps ringing in my head somehow. But in actual fact, I have been listening to heaps of Mariah (yes, I am still pretty much a huge fan of hers despite the shit others give me for it) and am thinking about the shopping and the cupcakes and meeting up with May in NYC more than anything else.

It just crossed my mind that it's been exactly one month since, oh well, that night at St. Kilda. Like I said before, somehow it felt like so long ago. I am not dramatic or crazy like that to remember it particularly, it just hits me while lying in bed waiting for sleep to take over. Nonetheless, it's the reason why I log on now to do an entry.

In retrospect, I didn't know how I could actually walk away from something that I was into. Or rather, to put it specifically, to cut someone whom I feel for off. It's a very hard thing to do, especially for a person like me, who lacks self-control and tends to live for the moment. But strangely enough, I did it.

I still don't know if I did the right thing, or if it really has to end this way. But in any case, it's too late now. If I give the person a friendly buzz or something, it will probably turn out all strange and wrong, however innocent the actual intention is. Such is the complexity of human relationships. Nothing is taken at face value anymore. Assumptions and suspicions tend to just muck things up.

Some crazy, competitive people at work will be eyeing the work trip to Chicago at the end of the year, and they willl be dying to find out who will get to go tomorrow at the meeting. I don't care, since I will be sun tanning back in Singapore then. Still, it will be interesting to see them behaving like a bunch of girlies in a beauty pageant waiting for the results to be read out to see who is making it to the next round.

"Push the button
Don't push the button
Trip the station
Change the channel "

(repeat 4 times before fading out)

Wish Me Luck

So I found (and felt) another huge gash across my thumb. Didn't even feel anything until the wound re-opened when I came in contact with lemon juice while cooking just now. It's a result of another silly accident at dinner on Saturday over at a friend's place. Knocked my glass of wine against another and that shattered the latter, splashing red wine all over her cream-coloured carpet. Nice. I offered the cleaning bill to be sent to me. So yes, I s'pose that could be considered the most expensive glass of wine I've ever had.

"Yesterday, London and Madrid. Tomorrow Los Angeles and Melbourne." This message has been splashed across every paper and TV channel. I am in Melbourne today and in LA this weekend. It's not that I am worried or afraid or anything, despite the streak of bad luck that I have been (seemingly) having lately. It's just that the sheer coincidence got my attention. It won't put a damper on my mood either, as it's beyond my control. If it is my time to go, then it's my time to go. It seems like the people around me are more concerned for me than me for myself. It's funny how numbed I am when it comes to such things.

Went for Angie Hart's gig last night at Manchester Lane again, except this time she came in the form of Holidays On Ice, her new band. It was great, although the whole experience was kinda surreal, not to mention somewhat depressing. It must be the ambience combined with her voice. I watched her exactly eight months ago (that's also the period of time between the two gigs by Finn Brothers, but anyway), and back then, I can't wait to move in to my current place. Now, all I can say is I can't wait to move out. It's nothing personal with regards to Paul, I still think he's a swell guy. It's simply Collingwood and everything else associated with it. Speaking of which, I was at my "favourite" Safeway earlier on doing grocery shopping and it seems like all the hobos and deros came out to play today. The whole experience was both amusing and otherwise. Well, at least I finally mastered the trick to opening up those pesky tear-and-go plastic bags. Just start from the corners. Yeah, it took me this age to figure out something so simple like that.

The boss is back, and I have much to take care of before the week ends. Well, at least he is happy with the work I have done these few weeks while he was away. Old habits die hard. I am talking about myself here. Took apart the dry-air unit for the cryo-system to fit in a new part, but was to damn lazy to put it all back together. It took me a while to actually get enough motivation and strength to get down to it and make it one piece again. Just like when I was kid, always eager to pour the Lego pieces out and spent hours building stuff, but just couldn't be bothered to keep them away, leaving hundreds of pieces all over the floor. This was the exact scene in the X-ray room today. Very nice.

My shoulders and thighs are still stiff from the strenuous session of squash I had yesterday. I am definitely signing up for more private coaching, despite how exhausting and costly it is. I am actually looking forward to that. Afterall, squash is the only sport I play, or should I say, can play.

Tried watching '2046' earlier on but the disc can't be played at all. Well, it may as well be that way actually.

I s'pose I will do the last episode of 'Lost' then, or finish reading 'Three Dollars'. Hopefully I don't get that stupid dream again with me pimping my girlies for three bucks each to bogan truckies. Absolute crap.

I Stopped the World

Today is the first time in months that I can just wear T's and jeans lying in the park. It's a great feeling, knowing that spring is indeed making its presence felt. There's even a smell of spring in the air, whatever that means. I can't exactly describe it, but you know it when it's there. Almond croissant and lemon tart at Babka, reading a book in the park, beautiful weather, quiet day at work, what more can I ask for?

It feels as though nothing and no one else exists in the world right now but me and my little thoughts. I wish this feeling can last a little longer though.

It could be a better world if I don't see headlines like "Arnie vows to veto gay marriage bill". Doesn't Mr Has-Been Terminator knows what is "live and let live"?

And here I am now at my desk not doing any work but just writing this entry with an hour to go before knocking off. Well, I deserve a break (after break) amidst all the readings and reports I have to do before I head off to Houston. What a significant time to be heading there now anyway. Who's in the mood to work on day like this? On that note, everyone should learn to chill a little. Why are some people always so angry? They snap at the tiniest thing and over-react at the slightest incidents. Is it so hard to hold yourself back (or rather, hold the tongue back)? I hate to see someone copping shit from a monster, especially here at work. C'mon, everyone has problems and issues of his own and what makes you think yours are any more major than the next? In spite of whatever shit that has happened to me in my life or the night before even, I still come in to work in the morning with a smile. Why is it so hard for some to leave their baggages at home? You don't have to see your own f*** face but others have to, so spare them the agony, will ya? I promise myself not to get affected by them and for whatever reason they might come and mess up my little private universe here, I will walk away and not blow things out of magnitude (which I am so capable of in my previous job). I just don't wish to bring myself down to their level ever again. For now, I will just sit and watch the crazy world here go by, through the eyes of an equally crazy adult undercover.

A friend asked me when I'll be back for a vacation. It seems pretty soon, just slightly under three months, but coming to think of it, it doesn't seem like really that soon at all, considering that time has been passing by pretty slowly these past few weeks. Just thinking about that night with the silly accident and all the things that happened, it seems like so long ago, even though it hasn't even been a month. It seems like I have done so much within this short period of time. Maybe it's all in the mind, all the thoughts, all the internal conversations, all the reflections and all the promises and plans. Maybe that's why there are so many seem's in this paragraph.

I don't know, maybe I'm feeling the tiredness of certain things, or maybe I am just sick of talking or listening too much. Maybe I just need to slow things down significantly just to be whole again. I'm not doing too shabby a job here at being fine actually, at least I didn't just crumple and die (although I think I almost did). I still do my work, talk to my friends, play squash, go out, read books and thrashy magazines and watch movies, although I must admit I have been bailing out from plans delibrately and been sabotaging heaps of weekend plans in exchange for some quiet activities. I just feel like so at the moment. It seems too much effort (and a total lack of inspiration too) to have a big night out and to socialise and meet new people and to make small talk. I am contented with the same old familiar faces for now. I wish I could say the same for places though.

Isn't it a shame that some people listen to all the songs and watch all the movies in the world (or claim to) but still shallow as anything? Not to mention having emotional intelligence as low as their character. I'm referring to someone of course, a friend actually. It makes me cringe (and disgusted too) just thinking that he counts Finn and Mraz, especially the former, as his favourite acts. I think it's an insult to both these great artistes, really. I hate it when he pulls the whole I-am-so-deep-and-complicated-while-others-are-so-shallow crap. Like, dude, you are the shallow and childish one. Hate to sound judgemental, must be the lack of books and travelling, if you ask me. I think he should be banished from the world of (cool) adults and be kicked back to kinder to learn some proper manners. He's next on my list to be given the boot (with that word, he should be sent to a boot camp too to get some sense knocked into his thick head). No more favours from me and no more friendly catching-up's to do. It irks me just thinking what a self-centered and ignorant bastard he is. I kinda feel sorry for him too actually.

At the rate that I'm going, I may end up with no friends at all, ha. But really, it's all about quality over quantity, isn't it?

I picked up the guitar again and the first song I tried was "Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz, of course. I am amazed I could actually make the song sound decent and that certainly motivated me to no end. It's funny how this song keeps popping up in all ways. It is the first I heard on the new album. I used it as a title for one of the entries here. I have sent it to the person before. It was playing in the car that night while the two of us sat there in awkward silence waiting for the bloody RACV to come. It is also the first song that a person who has been having a crush on me for the past year downloaded (and in turn wanting to send to me). I really like this song so much, almost as much as "You and I Both", despite whatever memories these two songs bring. It's perhaps because of that fact too.

It's time to pack up and buzz off from here now. I am grabbing that drink at Enoteca that I have been thinking of the whole afternoon. The promise of Campari with blood red orange juice and a dash of lime is just too hard to ignore, even though I have never tried it before. Maybe I'll continue with this later tonight, if the weather is nice and I can sit out at the patio with a glass of wine and write.

Shake It Off

It’s the passing of a season, technically it is, but it is still chilly as. It hasn’t been too bad a winter though, better than the last, in all ways. The downside is that I didn’t get to play with the layers and scarves much this time, but that’s fine I reckon, who wants crazily cold days? Time to spring clean and to drive out all negative people, things and vibes, or at least make an effort to. Hate to say this, but first up will be one of my friends, a pretty close one too, actually. It’s not so much of his doing I guess, it must be his evil (not to mention clean freak with OCB) wife. Too much shit and too long a tirade to deliver here. All I can say is that it’s time to give them the boot. No more playing Mr. Nice Guy on my part and no more of her childish behaviour to tolerate.

In addition, no more obligatory parties and gatherings and dinners. It’s not as though I have been putting myself through a lot of those, but I do give in sometimes. I will really try to reduce them to an absolute zero.

And to all those who think they know everything and can't wait to play up their seniority, all I can say is that this young punk here is not gonna let you get away with it either. When it comes to technical bits and protocols, there’s either an absolute right or wrong, and no two way about it. It’s not that hard to differentiate either. So yes, don’t give me shit just because I am fairly young and relatively new to the field. I do know my stuff to a certain degree and I have my own way of getting things done. I am given this post and these responsibilities and be rest assured I will try my best. I don’t need no one to come and interfere with me or try to get in my way 'cos of their over-blown ego or silly jealousy. Obnoxious as I may sound or seem, I will show them in due time that I am not as bimbotic as I seem to be. You can say it’s a silly alter ego that I like to assume just for a bit of undercover fun. Don’t get fooled by it, you old fools.

No more giving chances to people who piss me off time and again.

No more Coke in the arvo ‘cos it makes me sluggish and sick as.

No more doing poster presentation at Research Week.

No more dodgy Chinese restaurants with too much MSG in their food.

And yes, no more St. Kilda.

Stumbled upon an old lecturer’s name by chance on the Uni of Sydney website yesterday. He used to teach me Clinical Biochemistry back in those days when I was doing my Diploma in Biotechnology. He’s a swell guy, not very much older than I am. I am never the kind who keep in touch with lecturers and all, but I s’pose I am old enough now or crazy enough to do so, whatever that means. I dropped him a mail and he replied within the next 10 minutes or something. Of course, I have to introduce myself as Alan (the boy) rather than Julian (the man). His response was great, heaps of funny stuff and took the piss outta my name change and all. Getting in touch with him allows me to jolt my memory on those days back in Temasek. I was one of the more prominent guys in class, not necessarily in a good way. I remember I was such a menace, always late, always lazy, always anti-social and always with a coy attitude. It’s really funny to think about it now. Why was I such an angry little man back then? In comparison, I have been let down so many more times now and am so much more stressed out and jaded. Shouldn’t I be feeling the angst? Amazingly, I don’t, at all. Is this a good sign? Or am I just getting de-sensitised?

Anyway, it’s good to let some things go; close some chapters, kick some cans out and shake the dust off. And yes, get a new hairstyle, throw some new clothes on, plug in some new songs, go to new places and do the whole regrouping thing too. For sure, I have to admit I can’t forget or let go entirely of what happened this winter. And so it is that I have lost a coupla friends this season, but there's only one that matters. And on that note, I wish he has a great spring too. There are still moments of remembering and sadness. But that’s alright I s’pose, we can never rid ourselves of such emotions anyway. That’s one of the things that comes along with growing up, growing old.