Around My Head

All packed and online check-in done. Finally.

Chasing Cars, a song by Snow Patrol that has been put on loop on my playlist, even at this very moment.

If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

That’s the whole point of two people being together really. Just being together, getting lost in their own private universe, them against the world. Of course there are all the nitty gritty bits such as work and bills and social responsibilities and all, but they always have each other to return to, and that’s all that matters. So maybe after such a long time, I can finally answer that question as to why I was so smitten by that person. I could simply forget the world when we were together, like literally lay there and just forget the world, like this song. It was a good feeling, too bad it wasn’t meant to be, and too tragic that I will never have the same feeling with the same person ever again. I could almost go into my silly mood again just writing this, but I won’t.

There was a silly article on love at first sight and chemistry and fireworks and all. At least now I know it does really happen and I am not alone in this. But why only now do I get to experience this? Does it mean that all the people I have been involved with don’t matter at all? So was I fooling myself all along then?

I will be home soon. It will be good to see my friends again, friends who have shared a long history with me. And yes, I will be okay, not great, but okay. I just wish I have more time in Singapore though, but I s’pose Beijing is the main destination for this trip. It is a crazy city, but simply because of that, it will be a nice change of vibe for me. I almost don’t mind the crowds and the noise and the pollution even.

I have all these thoughts in me that I want to pen down but am suddenly getting a block at the moment. I am traveling alone yet again, I guess it’s not a big deal really, considering I don’t even remember when was the last time I actually flew with someone I know. Since my break from traveling in March, it’s good to travel again. My vision and thinking has clearly been narrowed down by recent events. I am even ready to go to Chicago again in December to do some work if I could squeeze it between moving house and Christmas. Maybe the idea of having snow up till my waist could be strangely exciting even. More trips, more escapades, more experiences, more me time. Sounds like a good life, maybe I don’t dispute that one bit.

Life is nothing but an experience, indeed it is. But too much of something is never good though. You gain some, you lose some. You get tired, you get jaded and you might even get bitter. I don’t know where in the path am I in now actually.

Oh yeah, I am also on an one-man mission to eat as many grilled stingrays in Singapore as possible to avenge Steve Irwin’s death.

Work this week has been a nightmare with everyone squeezing as much out of me as possible before I go. My research for Honours year is finally to be published after two bloody years. Reading through my thesis after all this while, I almost don't recognise it anymore. And of course, the final model for GST is completed, yay! Maybe it should be the new rainbow flag.

Shopping this week (not for myself) could almost match the price of my ticket up to Beijing. I'll try not to think about it.

This week also brought upon a chance meeting with a beautiful stranger, the most beautiful stranger I have ever met in fact. A face more beautiful than that will almost be obscene, really. We had a good time, silly fun and conversations. Shallow as it may sound, I feel flattered somewhat. Whatever it is, this story will be on hold till the end of the month when I get back.

Spring in Melbourne, (perpetual) summer in Singapore, autumn in Beijing, all sound pretty swell to me.

So maybe, for this time, I really do have to travel halfway ‘round the world to regain my footing again. I have to, since I need all the inspiration and motivation to start looking for a place to move once I return. Of course, the lazy side of me is still hoping that someone I know will just offer me a place and ask me to be a housemate, but the stronger part of me is saying I can do it, despite all the effort and expenses needed. I just have to bite the bullet on this one. I will spare no effort in looking for a housemate that’s for sure. I am all ready to live on my own again.

I don't know why, but everytime I take a trip, I have this thinking I might never return, or never want to return. It's amazing how time flies, especially these past few months that I have been living in a trance. I can't seem to remember anything, except two incidents, one of my work and one of that person. They are recurring though, but I'll deal. I still want to quit my job on some days but I won't. I want to say hello sometimes but I did not, not that I know how to begin doing so anyway.And because of the fact that I always have the crazy idea of a one-way trip, I could almost wish to see the person again but that's just a thought that will never be transformed into an action.

Sometimes, it's hard to believe we are no longer friends anymore. I almost forget that on some days but somehow, I always do. It's very surreal. Like now, I thought I would drop a friendly note but instead, I will say goodnight to myself and till whenever, I will have many wishes and hopes and thoughts gathered from this trip ahead. After all, I am bringing my pocket journal along this time.