Up, Down, Turn Around

...please don't let me hit the ground. Tonight I think I'll walk alone, I'll find my soul as I go home. This is the second time I saw the same person when I was humming this song in my head. That person was my new friend then. Now, I have to say defunct friend.

Took the day off to take off my mask for a while, and taking the opportunity to have brunch with my housemates on a weekday. I haven't done that with them for quite a while now. Kwok wanted to grab something from Coles afterwards, and of all the Coles, he suggested the one in Port Melbourne, even though we were in Richmond before. First I saw the car. I was still deciding if I should bolt when I had yet another split second encounter with the owner of the car. I didn't have to look up, I didn't know why I didn't say hello, I didn't know what I was doing.

What are the chances, yet again? Why do we keep running into each other? This is getting amazingly incredible. It is becoming a bad joke even. I truly wonder how many times we have actually brushed past each other before we got acquainted. Has it been like this all this while I was in this city?

Kwok noticed something was wrong and asked me why. It didn't take a genius to figure that out since I was wandering around aimlessly in a nice trance. So I told him, and then another bullet hit me.

'I could tell you are still very hung up. What makes this person different from the rest? You are not a slut I know but still, why is it so much harder this time?'

I wish I knew. Maybe by knowing, I would have a clue on how to tackle it and move on quicker.

And then the scariest thought came into my mind. What if I never?

Finger still hurts like crazy. It takes time to heal, heard and said that a thousand times before already.

Ironed all my shirts at one go and cooked a big pot of risotto even. Finished half a pack and downed another Choya. I still haven't gotten my appetite back and everything still hurts.

You will move on because you are still so young. Yeah, whatever. As if a guy this age is not suppose to slip and fall and feel the pain. Being young doesn't mean being invincible. Here is the classic example. It is the young guy who is stuck in the rut now, not the older one.

And also, people assumed that a Singaporean who is overseas will never miss home. But then again, I used to think so too. Now I have no qualms admitting it that it's not true. I surprised myself even when I told a fellow Singaporean that today. I don't see the point in putting up that facade anymore. I have a regular job and I am drawing an ordinary salary. I share a house and I do public transport. Anyone is welcomed to join me if they think life overseas is a bed of roses. I am not being jaded here, I am just being honest, as always.

That said, we have always been taught since young that honesty is the best policy. That has always been one of my major principles too. Looking at my life right now, erm, one begins to wonder if that is really the best way to go.