Can I Say Your Name?

So I skived off from work today. Nothing particularly wrong with me, just plain old laziness and a lack of motivation to brave the morning cold just to make it to work to face another day of model building. My eyes are going blind, and I am just so smashed at the end of each day for the past few weeks.

There were also the recurring dreams of my friend throughout the night, simply because we finally met up again. I will be lying if I say I don't feel the miss. There were also a thousand things I wanted to say but I did not say any of them. It's all pretty pointless really. Your boredom and my emptiness will have to be cured by other people and places even, and sometimes I do wonder why our paths have to cross. At the end of the day, it has caused me more agony than anything else.

I had a good life before you, well, not good, it was okay. It was empty actually, but at least I was blissfully unaware of how miserable I was whereas now, because of you, I am acutely aware of how completely and totally unhappy I am. Thank you for that indeed.

In any case, I have already decided to stay on. I don't suppose the emptiness could be simply removed by heading home. I could run, but I can't hide from how I feel inside. In fact, it could be worse as I have to deal with the issue of having to look for a job as well as handling my brother's meltdown and juggling the dynamics of the family. I could almost appreciate the duties and responsibilities of being part of the family, but I don't think I am ready to face them just yet. Having three other people depending on me spiritually is just too much to handle.

So yes, I don't know what's going happen in the months to come, but I do know I have to make some plans especially in the housing aspect. I wish I could shake you off just like that but I feel too sad doing so. For now, I will try to minimise contact and maybe it will all fade away soon.

No, actually, I might run away from you altogether.