The Long Day Is Over

So I survived the trip, or maybe I didn't, since I came down with a temperature when I got back and was knocked out for a whoppin' 17 hours. It was all pretty good actually, mucking around the vast property, trimming the damn blackberry bushes, playing lawn bowl and having a steak dinner in candlelight no less and then stargazing which included a couple of shooting stars and the milky way even and plenty of wine and conversations flowing and then, of course, maybe too much of those two.

An experience like this sounds totally like something out of a movie. It could be considered too romanitc or sweet to be true. Truth is, it was indeed all very nice but then the nice little picture was somewhat marred by knowing some things more about my friend that maybe is better left unknown.

The debate here is, quite clearly, is it better find out, or rather, confirm my suspicions this early, or live in la-la land for a bit longer only to discover the same truths? Of course, there is always a time and place for everything and maybe our 'discussion' went too far ahead to the point that it actually put a damper on the whole experience. Conversations and thoughts flow easy when you are in a state of physical intimacy, not to mention the excessive flow of wine throughout the night. You said it out, you recieved some ideas, you asked some questions and also faced being asked, and more often than not, the answers are not always what you want to know, or even care to handle.

I s'pose I could be blamed for steering the discussion into 'that' direction and maybe I am indeed regretting now. But at the same time, it could have been worse. We were stuck together out there and there was no hiding or running so we had to deal with it, which we did. At least we even managed to laugh about it the morning after and agreed that we should never have had that talk. Things went on normal, too normal, for the rest of the day except I was less-than-chatty due to my fever.

So it's all still up in the air at the moment. We will still be in touch. In fact, we are catching up this evening and maybe even this Saturday too. I just found out there is an expiry date to this friendship though, as my friend has finally sorted things out with the mum and can leave overseas for work with no qualms in about a year's time. After knowing this, maybe I am glad in a way that we talked about those stuff on Saturday, at least a few things are more in place now, and we have a more solid basis to remain as just friends.

This time, I am actually alright with this arrangement if it is indeed gonna be this path we are heading down to. I don't feel tragic or anything. In fact, I may even be pleased in a way as it means our friendship won't get mucked up by anything. Friendships are hard to muck up, unlike relationships, which are so volatile and unpredictable. And with all the baggages and issues that my friend has, no one can do anything to help get them sorted out. If a person can't get his life sorted out, a life with another person is totally out of the question, so yes, maybe I don't want to sign up for that too.

I have just been there, this whole issue of where I want to be and what I want to do and what I strive for in life. It's never a nice place to be. I wish I can help you and make you a little surer and happier but it's beyond me.

For what out short aquintance is worth, I think I have given more than a friend should already.

It's all about making it last a little longer now I s'pose.