You Can Run But...

So I decided to take a walk on this cold but sunny day. By staying out pretty much the whole weekend avoiding my unwelcomed house guest proves to be a tiring, not to mention costly, feat. Work has been busy on some days, and the saga with my brother has reached a whole new level of madness. I have been a lazy blogger too.

What started out as a mindless and relaxing walk turned out to be more than I expected. With my incredible luck, I bumped into my friend, the friend whom I have been trying to forget. Just what are the chances? We virtually brushed past each other, but never stopped to say hello. It doesn't matter, I guess it was intentional on both sides, myabe not. Just seeing a person's face can evoke so much emotions, I have long known that fact. I am feeling totally crappy now, I am no superman. Already I do not have the mood to do much work today. Now, I am feeling worse. I know this is stupid. I mean, what's the big deal really? Especially since when I was the one who chose to pull a disappearing act.

I am partly responsible for the fiasco that happened over the weekend too, with regards to my brother, that is. It was all accentuated by an email I sent to him, not with the intention to reprimand, but with the silly hope that he will be more at peace with his surroundings and the people whom he should care for. Needless to say, it was a futile effort. If anything, it only made him crazier, screaming and yelling and torturing both mum and dad and his own wife. This is all so wrong. It is very sad too.

Why bother with the apologies anymore, in any given direction? They are all so banal and meaningless now and they will hardly change the outcome at all. Some words, once being said, will have a lasting effect and no one can take them back anymore.

So I s'pose I could be excused for being a lazy blogger. With what's happening around me and inside of me, I feel like I am on a bullet train with the scenery outside zooming past me. I hardly have the time or the right mentality to see things clearly or to truly digest what I have absorbed. I wake up every morning with the same recurring thoughts rushing into my mind, screaming for my attention and digging up the memories violently, bringing with them the unnecessary feelings that will only drag me down more.

I almost don't know how to organise them all anymore.