When It Rains, It Pours

Another long day has just ended. Work with my American collaborators is finally completed, and we have managed to solve a problem that has been bugging us for the past ten months. So that was good, and we even went for a celebratory dinner. That was great too, although I was hardly in the mood to put on a smiley face yet again. The flow of wine helped heaps though, it made it a little easier. We were recounting over what happened in Houston last year when we were caught in the hurricane and the whole evacuation episode. It all seemed so surreal now, and I almost forgot that it actually happened. I s'pose I could be proud of myself that I managed to keep my composure and to make it through somehow amidst the chaos. It's really funny how I could recover from such an event pretty quickly albeit a couple of weeks of recurring nightmares, but when it comes to matters of the heart, I hardly have that sense of resilience in me.

Despite the progress at work, I am still hardly feeling chirpy here. Blame it on my inattentiveness, I got a huge gash across the same finger that I had that beer bottle incident a while ago. I was under the water cooling system and my finger was caught up between the coil. As if I wasn't feeling enough pain elsewhere in my body already. Everyone around me was pretty freaked out by the amount of blood and all, and I must say the pain was excruciating. So when it rains, it does pour.

And so it is almost appropriate that I am listening to 'Why Does It Always Rain On Me?' by Travis now. I shouldn't, because I get reminded of a certain someone. But then again, I get reminded of you by a helluva other things too. I heard 'Crazy' by Patsy Cline the other day and I was all overwhelmed with emotions, almost to the point of breaking down in the middle of the street. I paused and stared stupidly at the Pink Panther box set at a friend's place last week when I was going through his DVD collection. It was so obvious that he even noticed it. I was gorging on wasabi peas earlier on and I remembered you like that too. I don't even dare to listen to Depeche Mode anymore, at least not at the moment.

So to cite a line from the song Crazy, I am indeed crazy for feeling so lonely, crazy for feeling so blue.

You should be over your friend by now, so May said to me. Yeah, if only it was all so shallow and fluffy, that would have been really easy indeed. I wish it is so too.

You should be glad that work is going so well for you at the moment and that everything with my contract and work visa is all sorted out now, I was told. Well, since when am I s'pose to think that life is good just because work is good? That would be very lame, and very sad even. Life is never just about work, and maybe because I am such a firm believer on that one, that could be why I am on an incessant pursue of happiness in my private life.

I have been writing a lot here lately, but that always happens when something is bugging me. After all, it is never my style to whinge to people excessively. I prefer to just have all these conversations with myself. It may seem silly and pathetic even, but I can't change that one bit. To whoever may be reading this, it may be entertaining in a sick way to read about someone spiralling downwards, it is kinda like seeing someone in agony in Big Brother. But so what if that is the case? I am not gonna lie to myself and write about things that aren't true. This is a journal of Julian's life anyway.

Stasera scriverò un paragrafo per soffocare dentro un'esplosione. Senza pensare troppo alle parole. I miei problemi senza di te si chiaman guai.

Will be doing dinner at Madame Sou Sou later this week. That will remind me of my friend too. That's one dinner we never had even though we talked about it a few times. I know you will like it there, espcially the desserts.