Slummin' To Live

So it's another rare night at home for me, oh well, afterall, it's ER night and that is a valid reason to be home and not out gallivanting somewhere. My devotion for ER is into its 11th year now, it just sounds pretty damn amazing, doesn't it? I have even been doing re-runs of it on Foxtel recently. At least I can stay faithful to something, along with my favourite books and films. Alright, there's hope for me yet.

Pretty much hung out at home with Paul and the girlfriend the whole evening. It's funny how it reminds me of hanging out with my brother and his girlfriend when I was a kid. The lovey-dovey gestures, the eyes they give each other and the private little conversations. Those stuff never fails to kill me. No, I am not bitter or anything, I have no reason to be anyway. It's just that I feel so damn cold and cynical and young too whenever I am around couples. I reckon I am not alone in this. Hence it's always pretty damn bad to be hanging out with a couple. Alright, maybe double dating is just as bad too, if not worse.

Was having a conversation with Lorien today regarding realisation (and further affirmation) of the things we no longer enjoy or like. This discussion was brought upon by my telling of a get-together I went to last night which was pretty much a pot party with heaps of booze and pizzas and hash cookies. No, I am not being judgemental here or anything. In fact, I had a pretty swell time, but it's just that I felt I no longer enjoy such occasions as much as I did before. There I was, all decked out in expensive clothes and nice hair and an expensive watch (alright, I may be sounding a bit too smug here) while everyone was in tie-dyes and grunge T's and torn jeans and all. On that note, I did feel a tad weird and felt like I was this bloody obnoxious yuppie playing undercover amongst a group of stoned tree-hugging hippies. I don't know, I just felt too damn prim and proper and I haven't felt this way for a while now. Afterall, I am the self-proclaimed thrashy little yellow thing who likes dumpy drinking holes and appreciates the humourous side of being a Fitzroy alcoholic. Alright, maybe that's not so funny anymore and living in Collingwood right now makes it sorta less of a joke definitely. Do I qualify for someone who's actually 'slummin' it'?

I shudder to think. Afterall, the act of slummin' is not s'pose to be a prolonged one.

It's really strange how our feelings towards someone/something just gets turn on and off like that, kinda like oncogenes in the scientific sense. Except, of course, when we make a conscious effort not to stop feeling for someone, we will hold on to it as long as we could, which could be a really silly thing to do. I know, talk is cheap, whatever. It's always so easy to say it than to actually do it.

Also, I am well aware of the possibility of a relapse, in whatever we have ceased to do or enjoy even.

I should have an early night (because my tolerance for upsets tonight is at its all time low), that's what my horoscope says anyway (yeah right, since when am I s'pose to believe in crap like that?). In any case, I am aiming for a quiet weekend, that is, if I could actually stay at home and not be itching to go out.