Four Conversations

So I didn't have to go to Canberra, it came to me instead, so to speak. It was pleasant, it was a nice story, but I don't think I want to read on. I am not thinking much of it, I never did. I think I was a bit aloof, maybe even a jerk too, but I can't pretend otherwise. Don't hate me, I didn't mean it, it may sound cliche but it really is nothing personal. I am liking the way it is now, I don't want to dive in any deeper. Being just friends is not such a bad idea, really.

My brother got in touch with me, and actually wanted me to make the call to him, all by the command of a simple SMS. How weak am I? I thought I have cut him off already? What defines the line that separates hatred from sympathy? I must say I am affected by his desperate call for help. It is beyond me though. It disturbs me to no end whenever a man who is much older than me loses his composure in front of me, I don't know why. Maybe I feel uneasy, but maybe I am afraid of being there myself one day. I know I should not have given him false hope, but what else can I do? Knowing his temper, he will probably flare up majorly if I would have said no there and then. I dread the moment when I have to tell him the truth. Why are we in contact again? Why do some things never change? Is this the price I have to pay for being weak? Have all the years of effort in running away from him gone down the drain already?

I said no to my boss yesterday, why can't I just do the same to him? Now instead of hating him, I'm probably hating myself.

Jason Mraz is finally coming to Melbourne, like how excited am I! I have this sick feeling I may not be able to get tickets. It's silly I know, but I won't feel at ease till I've actually gotten the tickets, so please let the wait be over soon. As for faces, I already know who I am gonna see that night. After all, those text messages are not for nothing.